I have a love-hate relationship with shopping. Don't get me wrong - there's no better feeling than finding something that is not only ridiculously sexy, but that you're ninety-five percent sure will make you feel like you're on the runway. That is, until the overly crowded dressing room comes into the picture and you realize that being trendy has a major price.
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Wiggling into Skinny Jeans
"Alright ovaries, no pain, no gain."
This all-too-real struggle is the dance we do for fashion's sake. With a shimmy here and a hop there, convincing yourself that once they're on, they’ll stretch. Definitely. Probably. Prayer might become part of the process, looking up and pleading, “Please let them zip up all the way.” And when they finally do, it's a triumph akin to scaling Mount Everest. Sure, breathing is optional at this point, but hey, you're going to look fabulous, and isn't that what counts?
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Sneaking Grainy Pictures of Your Outfit
"I can't tell if this dress makes my butt look fat or if it's just this sketchy lighting."
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Testing out Something New That Could Be a Hit or Miss
With any luck, that midi skirt just may end up being your greatest purchase yet. "Fashion gods, please don't fail me now."
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After You Realize Your Bestie is Next Door
"Come in here, quick! Is my panty line showing?"
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You Debate Getting That Really Cute Top in Different Sizes but Back out Last Minute
30 minutes later and your zipper is still stuck. "Welcome to hell on earth."
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If you would take, you must first give, this is the beginning of intelligence.
When You Throw on the One Shirt You *Really* Wanted...and It Fits!
"I'd like to thank all of my fans for this incredible moment."
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After Trying on Ten Different Things, but Only Leaving with One
...And it's your least favorite. "Well, those are three hours of my life I'm never getting back."
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Or when You Enter into an Alternate Universe and Everything Fits
"Man, I really do have the same amount of hours in a day as Beyoncé."
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How You Feel when You Finally Leave the Sweaty Dressing Room
Truer words have never been spoken.
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